Donkey Kong Has Got It Goin' On
by Project Pegasus
Summary: A broken down, alcoholic Diddy Kong must confess a shameful secret to Dixie Kong. What does the DK Rap, Donkey Kong, and an early 2000s pop sensation have to do with it?  Find Out!


**Donkey Kong Has Got It Going On by Project Pegasus**

Diddy sat smoking a cigarette in the corner of a darkened bar. In front of him sat his ninth shot of whiskey. Across from him, with a look that mingled concern with exasperation sat Dixie. She was sipping on a piña colada served in a pineapple rind with a pink umbrella in it. Both she and the drink seemed ridiculously out of place in the bar. No, she didn't usually drink. She could feel the alcohol fumes of the rum as it slid down her throat, an unpleasant afterburn. She would have much rather have ordered a banana smoothie or even a bitter cup of straight coffee, but she didn't want him to drink alone. She was a good woman.

Diddy had wanted to tell her something all night. She could read it in his careworn expression and his silence. But she would never try to force a conversation out of him. She would give him all night to begin his confession, whatever it was.

"Well, I know that you were confused when you weren't invited to be in the Donkey Kong 64 game," he began drunkenly. Pained by not being a part of his life during their N64 years, she turned her head away and remained silent. She had never understood why Diddy had pushed her away, why he shied away from being seen with her after they were so happy with one another during their Donkey Kong Country 2 days.

"Even though I didn't want you to be in the game with me, remember how we wrote that _Donkey Kong Rap _for Donkey Kong 64 together? You wanted to help me write the lyrics and flesh out the rhythm. You even brought out the DK Bongos and stayed up through long nights composing music with me. I know you were confused that I never wrote any lyrics with you, only the music. And you were even more confused that the final DK Rap was nothing like what we worked on together," he fumbled out incoherently..

"No, I never gave it any thought, I just assumed that corporate wanted something more urban than the pop song we put together," she stammered.

"It's all right," he said, cutting her off, "You don't have to pretend anymore. This is why our song was never used, and this is why I never wrote the lyrics with you." He cast a folded packet of notebook paper to her side of the sticky table. She unwrapped the packet and smoothed the papers. She moved her chair so she could better read the words in the light. Diddy remained in the shadows. It read:

Donkey Kong Has Got It Goin' On

by Fountains of Lame

Donkey Kong has got it goin' on

Donkey Kong has got it goin' on

Donkey Kong has got it goin' on

Donkey Kong has got it goin' on

Dixie, can I swing over to your tree?

(echo): to your tree

I can groom your fur so free of lice and fleas

(echo): of lice and fleas

Did ole Donkey come back from the Jungle Japes?

(echo): Jungle Japes

I'd sure like to see, why they call him one of the "great apes"

(echo): one of the "great apes"

Donkey, these oranges and melons are for your lunch

Now won't you get in position, for that Donkey Punch?

Donkey Kong has got it goin' on

He's all I want and I've waited for so long

Dixie, can't you see you're just not the Kong for me

I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Donkey Kong

Donkey Kong has got it goin' on

Donkey Kong has got it goin' on

Dixie, do you remember when we ate river prawn?

(echo): river prawn

Donkey came out with just a necktie on

(echo): necktie on

We hid in barrels and it was so much fun

(echo): so much fun

Till he shot me in the face with his Coconut Gun

(echo): Coconut Gun

And I know that this might break state and federal law

But I've just got to make a wish on that monkey's paw

Donkey Kong has got it goin' on

He's all I want and I've waited for so long

Dixie, can't you see you're just not the Kong for me

I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Donkey Kong

It suddenly became clear why Diddy had wanted to be alone with Donkey Kong during their N64 days, why she was never invited to appear in any of the Donkey Kong games. She folded the paper once again into the same compact parcel that Diddy had handed to her moments ago and placed it on the table with care. She reached over Diddy's whiskey and held his paws in hers. She drew his paws toward her, kissed them tenderly, then let them go. She stood up, traced an intricate and serpentine path through the crowded bar and finally out the door.

The lyrics are consistent with the music from "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the rights to any Nintendo characters, or Nintendo console systems, or to any of the characters of third party companies that have licensing agreements with Nintendo. I also have to rights to the band Fountains of Wayne or the song "Stacy's Mom". This fan fiction is strictly for non commercial purposes and is in no way created to produce revenue for anyone.


End file.
